Beginning. Without the Ones I Love

I cannot explain the mixed emotions I am feeling right now. Tomorrow morning, at 5:30am I leave my house for almost four weeks. It is a planned journey to be in a wedding party for my brother Thomas. He and his wife-to-be are exchanging vowels in North Carolina and I was asked to be in the wedding party - a duty that will be shared with my brother Roger. We planned a trip over there to see some sights and to be where we need to be.

But I am sad.

I am sitting on a bean bag, in the little boys room, writing. I feel like this will be a trip in a foreign country, without my favourite people.

I looked back over the photos in my iPhoto albums and all of them have my family. Photos of the boys growing up, photos of them as babies. This will be the longest I have been away from them since three years into our marriage, when I went to Singapore, and a lot has changed since then.

I am not feeling excited. I am not feeling elated. I am feeling sad. I am leaving behind my family. I leave behind those who have supported me, who talk to me, who share life with me.

How will it go? I am unsure. I am looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time.